Philosophy.: A Cosmopolite in the making.

Philosophy.: A Cosmopolite in the making.: A Cosmopolite in the making. Introduction. Where did it all start and when? I suppose with my Parents and the Sec...

A Cosmopolite in the making.

A Cosmopolite in the making.

Introduction.

Where did it all start and when? I suppose with my Parents and the Second World War, to some extend, since it deeply marked them and they where passing some of this on to their Children. Now there are those that take Teaching and learning to Heart and those that shrug it off as some sort of unpleasant form of dust or maybe they perceive it as a dangerous virus of sorts. 

It is one thing to learn and to teach. However, it is a complete different matter to actually understand and apply what one has been toot, or what one may be teaching to others!

I was always hungry for knowledge and I needed to understand the mechanism of all things we Human make, as well as those things which result from our Human Nature and it may be complex, however, it is also as simple as Animal phycology. Now, here it Comes, how can it be that we are so smart and so stupid at the same time? And I do include my self into this Branch or Category. Even if I would have loved to be more like the fictional character of "Spoke the Vulcan," at least at one point of my life. Just relying on logic and Mathematics would have been grand, so I thought once. Not very practical though and it can literally drive one to insanity, for we seem to need Balance in some way. Since Logic it self, does not seem to reach the minds, nor to fulfill us intellectually either. Some sort of emotions are needed as well so it seems.

Why am I writing all this down or at least trying to?

Maybe because I hope to touch some of those who are at a cross road and who are risking to slide in to resignation or even lose their humanity in violence and intolerance rather than to keep on learning and overcoming their fears as well as their pains!

Life is a journey in which we have to constantly learn new things, so we may slowly comprehend our selfs as well as the Universe. I was born in N’Garoudere, Cameroon, on the 14^th of October 1964. As the Son of Hartmut, Fritz-Heinrich Paschen, a Civil Engineer and Ute, Meta, Lina Paschen, Born Marqwardt a Teacher and a House Maker,  an excellent one in deed!

Where we lived in Bee, there where no Luxuries, such as running water, electricity, or a super-Market. Aside from our Human neighbors, we shared the land with domestic animals as well as wild one’s. Such as the Boa, who every now and then was attracted by the Chickens. We also shared the land with the Killer ants, who every now and then decided to pass through our Village. Those ants where an impressive army, which would stop before nothing and sacrifice a great many of their own to get through an obstacle, they did also have a liking for meat. No one wanted to be caught sleeping, when they where coming true one’s House. Now there was the Boa as well and it was equally notorious, yet less of a danger to Humans unless those where Children or if someone would get in the way between the boa and it’s pray, such as Mamadou  did one’s, as he prepared a chicken for Lunch outside and did not noticed the Boa in the tree above him. The Boa let her self down to grab the easy pray from Mamadou, wile he was still holding it. The Boa swallowed the Chicken including Mamadou’s arm, he reacted swiftly and cut the Boas head of. However, the grip of the Boa was so strong that no one could free Mamadou’s arm from it’s mouth, they hand to saw the Jaw in order to free his arm. It was quiet the event in our Village and Mamadou ended up having to be taken to the Hospital in N’Garoundere to be treated. His arm was saved, but it took some time for him to recover from the injury!

I for my part seemed to have been rather adventurous, even as a Child. I did enjoy my freedom and liked to take off into the unknown.

We did have a Cat who followed me where ever I went and it sort of protected me from things that could have harmed me, such as snakes and scorpions, yet I did not appreciate it’s  fine work too much, for I liked to do things my way and be independent as well!

Now I do not remember much from those early days of my life, other than falling into a well going after some wire truck toy and eating the Cats food out of spite to make him stop following me around and then going to the Market, which was filed with many great attractions of colors, shapes and smells! I did not like White People too much either, even though I am one my self, but that must have escaped me somehow, at least for the longest time it did. I fund them arrogant and threatening and would avoid them whenever one of them would come to our Village. My real conscious recollection however, came with my 7^th Birthday in Niamey, when I received a black toy car of about 5 cm in length, it was a Citroen, the details where just amazing and I was intrigued how one could make such a small toy with so many details. My Parents had moved us all to Niger and we where in Niamey on our way to Maradi. Our lives would change dramatically, electricity existed for one thing and much more stress for my Parents came as well. Than came the Horse back ridding and of course the falls from that big animal which where not my favorite part, the Judo lessons and of course School, which I hated. School was always rather boring to me and I would rather have spend more time with my Grand Father, learning from him for he knew much more than those teachers did and he was more patient as well, at least with me. Any question I would ask him, he would answer and never ever did he told me that I was to young, to little or would not understand. No, he was teaching me how to build Rockets and how a nuclear fusion worked even though I was only a child so to speak, yet he did it in a way that I could understand, remember and be able to repeat it, as well as explain it my self. My Grand Father was a great Teacher. I think, in some ways I always missed our little Village of Bee in Cameroon.

That sort of felling of being home and safe only came back much latter as we went to Timia in the Air Mountain in Niger, Timia was an instant love affaire for me and I believe for my Mother as well. The Touareg People made us feel at home right from the beginning. Certainly, my Fathers popularity and the respect they had for him did without a doubt help.

My Father Loved Timia, but he was to busy to see all its beauty. I always wanted to go back to Timia and settle down there, irrigating the dessert and making it fertile one’s more. The Touareg have always been close to my Heart. Being proud people, noble and masters of the Dessert. I always liked the Idea that all Children should be raised by their Mothers until the age of seven and from then on, by their Fathers, it is something that has always made sense to me, as a matter of fact many things in the Touareg culture make a lot of sense, at least to me! 

Time is a funny thing; we perceive it differently, depending on our age and the circumstances to which we associate the time in question. I always felt that time was running out, or that their was rather little time we have as Human to learn and to accomplish any task or project at hand. By the time we manage to complete one task and understand a fraction of all there is to understand it is already time for us to die and move on. Disintegrating into billions of atoms and each of them being reabsorbed by something new or old for that matter!

Further, how much time do we waste with arguing and battles over none sense. Then we struggle

With simple survival and health, to finally acquire some wisdom and maybe learn a little. Nevertheless, the beauty of the Universe and our Earth are well worth it. Sadly though, we seem to have become the Earth worth enemy. Relentlessly exploiting it and destroying all there is without respect, nor having any compassion for anything, or any one. Not even for our own Future, even less for the future of our Children, nothing seems to matter any longer. I felt this destructive attitude of ours already as a Child and it did cause for some great distress within my self. Not understanding how we could be so relentless and destructive. I tried to understand all this from a very young age, at first asking questions yet not getting any comprehensive answers. I seeket to find some answers in History Books, Science of evolution and Philosophy as well as in Nature it self. Two of my favorite Philosophers to this day would be Socrates and Buddha.  Maybe Bismarck and Fridrich the Great as far as strategist go. Not that I discount Alexander the Great or others like Nelson, how ever What struck me with Bismarck and Fridrich the Great was that their ultimate Goal was Peace and the Future of the People as a whole, not Glory nor Material gains or power. Another Figure that retained my attention was Shaka Zulu and Nandi his Mother. For their intelligence and resistance to injustice. This all lead me to seek a solution, or solutions. That would be viable and fair to all. Karl Marx intrigued me but I realized that even though his intentions where noble and his ideas good. Their applications seemed to be in conflict with human nature, yet his observation where correct. The Different religions went into the same direction as Marx did, Only with a God at their top, which Marx eliminated for good reasons. However that very concept of a God seems to be rather well ingrained into Humanity, maybe due to our fear of death and our lack of understanding of our self’s and the Universe we live in. Maybe their is some form of a God or Gods after all. However I very much doubt that he, she or it be Jewish, Christian, Muslim or any thing else for that matter. Maybe we are God and all consciousness and life for that matter in the Universe is God. Our arrogance and selfishness may hinder us to see be on our self’s and to embrace this possibility. All this let me to wanting to build the perfect City and this since I was 9 years old.  Not only for Humans, for all other species as well. May they be Animal, Vegetal, Insects or Microbial. A City that would be energy self sufficient and would not take more than it can give back. However,  I seem far from achieving this, even though I have been trying rather hard to get there.

Now if I was to resume my life into periods or chapters, they would not be numerical but rather Geographical and based on events or periods. 

I would there for start with the war of 1870 and the Berlin convention of 1872, both Chapping the Life of my Great Grand Parents and the Childhood of my Grand parents. Since all things are related and have to be viewed as a sequence of events leading to an action or a result for that matter, we need to understand the Past in order to comprehend our present and maybe be able to shape and influence our future in a positive and constructive manner. I could and should go further back to 1576 and the persecution of the Huguenots in France. An event which did shape my Family and its History. However, I will focus more on the immediate period. Such as my Grand Parents Youth throughout the First World war and the their Adulthood through out the great depression and the Second World War, those events shaped them as well as my Parents who were born in the mites of the Second World War and the Great hunger that followed in the East of the then German Empire. Finally, to us and my self as well as my own children. Whose lives revolved around Africa, Europe, and being torn between my Ancestors shame and the Glory of our Past as well as their determination to carry on! I would there for cut my life into the Bee period, followed by Salzgiter, Maradi, Niamey, Timia, Chambon sur Lignon, Bischwiller, Wiesbaden, Heidelberg, Frederique, My Children Nandi and Sebastian, Canada, the Farm and Japan… and our many dear Friends and Relatives!

 Part one. 

The reformation and the reformers.

Prussia is reborn into a new nation and philosophy.

1547. The Reformation with Martin Luther was under way and the invention of the printing press from Gutenberg made it possible for it to spread like a wild fire across Germany and Europe!

This was also the birth of my Father’s Family Name, Paschen in the far North, what is today the Nether Lands. My Mothers Maiden Name came from that era as well but in the Haute Savoy in what is today France, the Marquwardt name. Both Family’s had to flee their home land due to religious persecution from the Catholic Church against the Protestant movement, and both ended up in Prussia around 1575. At the time Prussia was a Cosmopolite and progressive Country, welcoming refugees from all over Europe. Especially France and the Nether Lands.

This was also the time of the great Religious Wars across Europe and the 30 Year War against Prussia, which Prussia won fortunately for my Ancestors! The name Paschen comes from Pasca, meaning Easter, as symbol of rebirth and the name Marquwardt meaning Guardian of the border! Both Family’s, where builders and graft Mann, due to the betrayal of their Home Lands towards them, they became loyal subjects to Prussia.

1870. Prussia just won the war against France and made its Place among the European Super Powers, having a great Military and Political advantage it started to rebuilding the German Empire and reclaimed some lost Territories such as Alsase and Lotringen.

Otto Von Bismarck organized the Berliner Convention, wish was meant to stabilize Europe and guarantee peace with in Europe, in 1872.

The German Empire gave Briton and France great access to the Colonies in Africa and claimed only 3 Colonies for it self, Cameroon, Namibia and Tanzania. All 3 strategically positioned on the West, South and East Coast of Africa, the other territories were given to mainly France and Briton, in a gesture of reconciliation and to avoid another War, keeping the Power of France and Briton busy in the Colonies rather then waging wars in Europe. This was meant to keep the German Empire out of War and able to focused on its Industrial Growth and development. All this worked out fine and well until the assassination in 1914 of the Crown Price of Austria, And a week Emperor in Germany catapulted into power due to the premature death of his father who just took over from William the First as he had died, the so called Year of the 3 Emperors. Germany’s New Emperor William the Second followed suit in support of Austria which just declared War on Serbia, Soon after France and Briton joined the war against The Austrian German Empires and seeing an opportunity in taking revenge on Germany over the 1870 War. Europe was once again at war and one hell of a war it was. As Russia was taken with its own revolution in 1917 and as it pulled out of the war. Briton and France struggled with a lack of Fuel supply due to the alliance between the German Empire and the Ottoman Empire. France and Briton were in bad shape and in danger until the USA and Canada came to their rescue, without whom the First World war would have ended much differently!

The Loss of the War for Germany lead to the treaty of Versailles, which strip The German Empire bear and plunged it into a Social and economical nightmare. Poverty, hunger, high unemployment and despair where made even worth with the collapse of the World economy with the crash of 1929. The Beginning of the Dark Age started with the week Weimacher Republic and the appearance of the NSDAP, the Nazi. As History teaches us in great length this did not end up to well for any one, since all over Europe the Fascists took hold with Mussolini in Italy, Franco in Spain and Hitler in Germany, causing great pain and injustice to many and reigning through terror and fear!

It was two generations living through the dark ages of terror, despair, fear and hunger. My Father told us constantly how hungry they were and that as Children they knew from the sound of the Bomb Shells, whether those where Phosphor Bombs, TNT or whether they where Russian, American or German. Same for the sound of the marching Soldiers, they could distinguish them by the way they walked and the sound there both made!

Armies are never good nor saviors, they always bring with them Hunger, injustice, Rape and Abuses, May those be Russian, American, Germans or other armies they all are alike.

Seeing Woman being raped by Soldiers, as a Child can not leave a positive mark on one self. Especially if one’s own Mother or Sister is the victim of such abuse! However, this was the World my Parents grow up in as well as my Grand Parents for they lived true that in the First World War.

After my Parents got Married they went to Cameroon, where My Younger Brother and I where Born.

Cameroon was a German Colony until the end of the First World War when it became French and British, until it’s independence after the second World War. Africa lived through much hard ship and abuse from the Colonial powers and the 1960 were in a way filed with great hope for a better life and Freedom through out Africa. How ever that was not meant to be, since the former Colonial Powers such as Briton, France, and some new players like the USA, Canada, Australia, the Soviet Union and China fought for the control of Africa’s rich natural resources such as Oil, Gold, Diamonds and Uranium. A new dark age started for Africa. Leaving us with never ending Warfare, coups and sudden appearances of French, British, Belgian, Russian, Chinese or American Military Forces supporting a new Government they just helped into Power until another Super Power came in support of the new rebels to overthrow the existing Corrupt puppet Government with another Corrupt puppet Government. They were a few exceptions; One of them being the Lt. Counche, in Niger, in the late 70^th. Nevertheless, those were generally short lived. Even Canada which likes to portray it self as piece loving took part in that game, especially in Francophone Africa and the Diamond Area of Zaire!

October 1963,My Parents got Married and moved to Bee in Cameroon, where my Father worked as civil Engineer and project Supervisor for the Construction of a Hospital, Roads and Water supply. It was hard for them in many ways, a new culture, a new Language, a new life stile. Far from their Friends and Families, with out running water, nor any electricity in the middle of nowhere so to speak! A Year latter I was Born in October 1964 and that was some what a challenge for my Mother even though every one in the Village was extremely nice and helpful, she was far from Her home Land, her Family and child hood Friends.

My Father lost his Home land in the War and was a refugee already as a teen. Maybe why he had less trouble living in a totally foreign environment since he grow up in always foreign Cultures and lands!

Even though one may think Germans are all alike and do all speak High German, I know out of personal experience in my Years as a University student in Germany that Germans do not Speak any where near proper German nor can they be understood at first by an outsider, even if one speaks perfect German. Germans from the South do not like Germans from the north and vice versa, the same is the case in most countries even in France, the French are only French toward the outsiders. This was what caused my Mother much hard ship, since she was well embedded in her culture and slang, She lived basically all her life in the same area until she got Married and suddenly moved all the way to Cameroon in the middle of the Bush. However, today She would say that it was the best thing they could have done for their relationship and Marriage, for they could only rely on each other for Years and they were forced to learn. Without this learning time, she believes that they may have ended getting divorced like many of her friends who stayed back Home did! Due to our isolation, the 60^th sort of passed us by, we did not know the Hippy generation nor the Beetles or Elvis, nor did we know drugs or Alcohol, even Politics, the cold War, passed us by and no one worried about fashion statements or What Car to drive! The main concern was to make peoples life better and to decresse infant mortality, to provide clean drinking water and to avoid the Killer ants! Some times, Since I now live in the so called civilized World, I believe we have lost touch with reality and what does really matter and I am grateful that I grow up in Africa and was not corrupted by this superficial none sense which is now destroying our World due to it’s pollution and abuses of Natural resources! 

I do not remember much at all from the time in Bee, other than what I was told by my Parents.

Never the less the stories are rather great, like the one of my Uncle Eberhard who traveled across  Africa on his Vespa, an Italian made scooter, a sort of a motor bike. He actually managed to drive all the way from Europe throughout West Africa, to come and visit us in Bee Cameroon; his trip was colorful and remained an example to follow for me. I learned much from him even though we did not see one another that often. In addition, there was Jacque, my Sisters God Father who was also a Pastor in Cameroon and latter moved to Germany where he got Married and still lives today. The 1960^th and 1970^th, where a time when people still believed in peace and global justice for all. The hopes where high back then, that we would achieve such things for all Humans. However with the rise of diverse terror groups in Europe and Asia as well as in the Middle East as well as social, political and business abuses and misuses, those hopes somehow seem to have vanished in the 21st century! 

In 1966, on February the 14 my Brother was born into this World and with him every thing changed anew. As with most siblings, there are always ups and downs and Brothers seem to be made to love and hate one another as Children, yet they do have a strong bond as well and learn with time to appreciate this.

My Brother and I, however, have never been to close, maybe because I was too much of a loner and cutup in my own World. Maybe because I was always fascinated by all the wonders of this Universe and he was more the Social type more bound the Earthly things! I do Love my Brother and often wished we could have been closer. I did try on several occasions to form a closer bond with him. However, such never really happened, maybe because I could simply not understand him for the longest time, has I do have in general trouble understanding people that do not seem to care about the environment, science, knowledge and that do not fight against Pollution, injustice and ignorance!

Yet, maybe I am the one that is wrong and may be causing my self a mental meltdown one of these days, always pushing and hitting the obvious into Peoples mind.

 I did unfortunately not inherit my Fathers great diplomatic skills. Maybe my Sister did though!

She was born in Salzgitter in 1968 on 28th of October, wile we stayed in Germany for a short time. Those days where hard for my Parents, after all the time they spend in the bush, Germany became somewhat suffocating, and the indifference and incomprehension of a modern society which was rich and well of towards the so called third World was probably rather annoying to my Parents and soon we would be Back in Africa. Niger this time and for some reason I do remember every single day and Years we lived there until my Parents left in 1982 for Bischwiller!

My Parents went back to Algeria latter on, as we all had started University. My Children Nandi and Sebastian as well as their Mother Frederique and I went to visit them there in 1991, one Year before the Terrorist started there Killing spree throughout the Country and plugged part of Algeria back into the stone age!

1971, we just arrived in Niamey in September and spend most of our time in limbo. As my Birthday came in October, we where still in Niamey. My Parents where busy and stressed, things did not work out as they where supposed to. Yet, they did their best to make us feel all right and secure. My Sister and Brother spend most of their time Playing together and by then had become a good team. I was busy exploring and rather unhappy about all the restrictions and lack of freedom to move around as I pleased.

My Parents stress did some what affect me as well and back then I wished I could have made it go away some how! Back then I believed that my Mother was way to hard on my Father and made his life rather hard, I did not understand her until I had Children of my own. She was often stressed with us since we did come up with a great deal of mistshift and never seemed to run out of new Ideas to get into trouble or to cause it for that matter.

As my seventh Birthday came around, I was given a Black toy car; it was a Citroen representing a 1942 Model. I was fascinated with the details on that miniature and back than, wondered what the World would be like if all things were as small as that toy car was, but I wondered maybe even more often back then, how one could build such a small thing and this so precise and detailed!

I received a Birthday cake as well. It was not as usual since there was a lack of facilities to actually bake one. Yet it was a great fruits cake, I wanted to preserve it for all times to come, however, my Sister and Brother felt it was to be eaten and so it was eaten and this rather fast!

I appreciated the Day and rejoiced in the Gift, however, I never liked being the center of attention since it made me fell rather uncomfortable and guilty and since that day, I always hoped that every one would just forget my Birthday and celebrated someone else’s instead!

Soon after, we went to Maradi and there my ordeal with School had to start. I always felt rather bored in School and almost felt like being in a prison, even though I did not really know what prison life was like. However, for me it was like putting a Lion into a cage and watching him pace in circle trying to get back into the Wild. Strangely, I always felt that the so-called wild was Freedom and that Human society was a prison and the more it was sophisticated the more it was suffocating me!

I liked the open spaces and Nature. I always felt like running away into the Bush and live there, far away from any Human madness. Already as a seven Year old, I perceived my fellow Humans as mad.

In Maradi we lived in a Simple House, how ever with much land around and for us it was a great house. Just at the edge of the town, on one side was the street to the town and on the other side the open steppe!

One day my Father came home with a Donkey fowl that he picket up at the side of the road standing beside his dead Mother, who seemed to have been hit by a truck. We named him Jacky for some reason and raised him with milk boodles.

Jacky became quiet the Family member. Getting so detached from being a donkey that every time he saw one of his fellow donkeys walk by the house he ran with fear into the house and at times even into the shower room when this happened early in the morning and my Parents were still in the Bath room, Jacky would join them there!

For a time my Brother, Sister and I shared a room in our Home in Maradi, it was a time filed with adventures and many of those where giving our Parents quiet the headaches! Such as our bright Idea to make a bond fire that would have taken the House had my Parents not come home in time.

It actually was a harmless idea and started with a small fire, soon though the whole pile of wood was burning and that was a huge stock of wood, which was meant to be used true out the year. It was a beautiful fire though and all tree of us where rather taken by it’s beauty and splendour, my Parents where not so amused as they came home and my Father spend the entire night trying to extinguish this fire, which ended up taking Jacky’s stable, fortunately Jacky was not in it as usual he was with us. We where of course punished and did not like it at all. I have to admit though that as the fire started taking the stable we started using the hose to try and put it out since it was even scaring us, but it was to late and the fire was already out of control!

In the Years in Maradi my siblings and I did came up with a lot of mischief due to the lack of luxuries and not having any Television in those days we did have a lot of imagination though!

One day my Parents had to go on a trip since my Father had to travel a lot one time he took my Mother along as some friends offered to take care of us tree children for a week, it was okay for us kids but I think we over stressed those poor people and embarrassed my Parents a bit. We did how ever have fun. My sister and my brother fund a lot of stamps and seals in the office of the gentleman. Making sure that every page of every folder and every book had at least one stamp or seal. Rendering useless countless studies and official documents for all time to come and causing great distress, it did how ever look good, from an artistic point of view. I on the other hand fund some cement and went to work trying to cement the hole back yard recreating the landscape of the Battle field of Konigsberg as my Grand Father had told me so many times in great length, Mod was not good enough and cement would last much better any way, I already knew that much! To my surprise, my masterpiece was not much appreciated by the adult population! They where just concerned at how much work it would be to clear all this up, exactly what I did not want! After realising that, I was rather upset with the Adults and somewhat wished to be able to stand my ground with all our great ideas. After some remorse after some thinking, we decided to do some thing good for them and surprise them. We fund lots of paint pails in the shed and believed it to be nice to paint the house for them, since it did look rather dull and was in need of some colour, what we did not know though was that painting was not as easy as it looks especially when the paint was oil based. Now as the Adults where out, we went to work and painted just about every thing in our reach including the ground and luckily, the car was out being used, for we would have painted it as well. As the adults came back, they fund a battlefield of paint all over and we tree where covert in it as well from head to toes! Well the poor lady was totally distressed and started to clean us, how ever trying to remove oil paint from tree children was not an easy task, late that night my parents came home as well and picked us up. We where still covered in paint and the house looked just as we did, very colour full for the first metre to metre and half, the rest above that height was still white! That night we went to bed with a lot of paint and I believe it took at least a week to get that paint off us! As for the nice couple, I fear they would not want to have children any longer after having meet us, since they where thinking about it at the time! I think when ever my Parents had to leave for a bit. We managed to come up with some thing new and genius, even though my parents probably warned every one as to watch us closely and not to let us out of there eye site, no one actually realized as to how fast we could get into trouble and come up with some mist shift! My Further and mother had to go to the dentist one day, now going to the dentist back then, was not merely an hour’s trip or so, In Maradi that meant at least a hole days trip to reach the next dentist. So we where on our own again, now that time my Parents took my Sister along since she was the smallest and maybe to limit the damage as well! My Brother and I where suppose to go to school and then to a nabbors after words, How ever we had better thing to do than go to school and spend most of the day building sling shots since all our sling shots had already been confiscated and then went to use them. As Lunchtime passed, I did how ever feel somewhat guilty not being in school. I failed to make my Brother feel guilty as well though, and could not convince him to come to school with me. After all, I went by my self and faced the not so happy teacher. Latter that evening we both had to face our not so happy Father and received the hardest spanking ever! The Price for our mist shift was at times rather high and painful!

That how ever never stopped us from coming up with new ideas and getting into more trouble!

As we grow up so did the trouble, once we started being able to handle the clutch of the trucks and realized what one can do with engines we at time got our self’s into serious trouble that could have ended up rather dramatically!

My life has been saved on countless occasions, to the point that I came to ask my self many times as to why?

I had many unfortunate encounters, however I always seemed to have some sort of Guardian Angel around to save me. Such has my encounter with the giant Cobra behind our Chicken house. Now that snake may have been normal size, never the less, it was standing taller than I was back then and ready to strike, if it had not been for Maman, who appeared out of no where and cut the Cobras head off with his Manchety!

Or as I feel from the third floor of a Building that was still under construction that I visited with my Parents and hit the ground with nothing more than some burses and a lot of pain after words.

Many more things would still happen trough out my life that should have been fatal to most, yet some how I was spared so far at least!

Maradi was a good time for us all and peaceful as well; the only thing that I really did not like too much was School. School was always rather boring and I never liked the School fight and bickering or the all mighty Teacher swinging his whip ready to strike the next student making a spelling or calculus mistake. Teaching trough fear never made any sense to me, and I always love to learn new things and have always been fascinated by all knowledge, however this whip really annoyed me even more when one of my Comrades where the victim and no one dared to come to his rescue for fear to be next!

In 1973 we had to move for 9 Month to Spayer in Germany, My Father was working in Niger still how ever travelling a lot and he was gone most of that time. I have only horrible memories that come to mind when I think of Spayer! Not only was it cold, wet there but the People spoke a horrible German that we could not understand, since our Parents toot us high German and no Dialect, we where lost in that town! We went to a French military School there since the German burocracie was overwhelming and made it rather difficult for us to attend a German School.

Spayer was for me like visiting hell and I was very frustrated there and would have loved nothing more than to go back to Maradi, However we where to go to Niamey, the Capital City of Niger, not what I had in mind. I liked the province the Countryside not the big City. Niamey was also my first encounter with fear, as we lived trough our first Coup against the Government and saw dead Soldiers as well as people being driven away by the truck loads, the first food shortage and couvre feu, hearing the Bullets fly and soldiers taking my Father and threatening us was not my cup of tea at all. After that first coup, I became some what a bit paranoid and maybe even autistic and very aggressive towards any change to the point that my Parents decided to send me to boarding school in 1978 in France to the CCI or College Cevenol International. That was for me the worth punishment that I could have received and the CCI was not exactly Paradise. There I witness Rape, drugs and bullying and even worth, it was like a jungle only with Humans and that made it worth, Since Animals at least have rules and some form of respect for each other! I never told my Parents any of this since back then I feared it may not help me get out of that hell hole, and latter I did not want them to be hurt nor did I want to have to expose my self, since it broth me great shame what I live trough there and had to witness there as well! I became there one of those people that I hated my self. However, it was the only way to survive and to avoid being raped or beaten up!

My time at the CCI did not end well, however I was glad once it was over. Never the less I could never really go back home after that and for I felt shame to all that has happened there and anger towards the people that ran that institutions, wish does unfortunately still exist to this day!

My Parents believed doing what was best for my future and feared that remaining in Niamey was not the best thing for me. There for I was send to boarding School. Now I have to admit that as a 13 year old, I was not easy to handle and my nature was rather rebellious at times. However this rebellion was more due to the helplessness I felt towards the injustice and violence of the rich and powerful towards the every day people than against my parents per say! Yes, I asked many questions, attacked them verbally since I needed anthers, and wanted solutions and I needed to understand why my Father was a Pacifist and not fitting against corruption and injustice. Latter I understood that his way was much more effective and logical but not as a 13 year old, Back then I believed in Chee and Castro, Karl Marx and Louis Blum, Thomas Jefferson and Robes Pierre…!

Latter I realised that Ghandi would have been a much better way to go!

The CCI was the club of the Powerful and rich of Africa and France, many Sons and dotters of African and French Politician and business Man where there and then there where a couple of Kids like my self, Middle class, who’s stay at the CCI was paid by there Father’s Company or some Embassy! The Sons of the Great Politicians could get away with murder and they did in some cases, but for the most part, it was Rape, violence, torture, drug trafficking and other escaped of the sort!

The first Year I got beaten up and tortured with Harisa, a paste made from hot peppers and oil that was used to be cover the victims body, naked of course and burned one’s eyes, mouth and genitals horribly, even after two days and intensive showering one could still fell it burning!

We shared rooms usually 2 to 4 per room; I was with two brothers from Madagascar and a French Kid D. It was D’s first year and he was terrified, we where all four relatively small compared to the rest and often the victims of the rich boys prangs. Until that fatal day when three of then Raped D in the Afternoon as the rest of us was gone. He was just sitting there not saying any thing and we did not know what did really happened, until they came for us that same night. I do not know why I did what I did, nor how I could even do it. Nevertheless, as they grabbed us and started to try to rape us I suddenly managed to free my self and grabbed a chair. Hitting one of them over the head with it and managing to push another one out the window and slamming the door on the Hand of a third one and breaking it. Then the older Malgach Boy took a stick of some sort and stated beating the other two. All of them fled rather fast after that. We lived in terror for some time since vengeance was sworn and we where marked, yet every time any one tried any thing we reacted with great violence and stated arming our self with knifes, chains and munchacous, even combat stars. Every after noon we practiced in the woods, throwing knifes and using those stars and we did get rather good at it. At night we slept fully dressed and armed with the door barricaded and ready to strike, it made for many light nights!

Soon though the Malgach Brothers left and D ended up committing Suicide that Summer!

I stayed on, even though I tried to get thrown out of there it would take me another 2 years before they actually finally did throw me out! In those Two Years, I got into many fights and much trouble and fought my war so to speak with what ever and however I could fight it best!

I could not tell my Parents back then nor latter, I preferred them thinking I was simply “un Enfant terrible”.

Once I was finally out of there, I went on with my life, starting to study Chemistry and moving to Germany. I tried to forget the CCI and rejected contact with any one even associated with that School, even some good friends that I made in those Years, I could simply no longer see! I did forget all this time until my own Son turned 13 and then the sudden reviving of memories hit me like a high speed train and took my breath away, desperately wanting to spar him such an ordeal and trying to toughen him up so he could defend him self should it ever happen!

It took some time to digest all this and calm down again!

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Memories being a funny thing for us Human, we can forget certain things for year’s even decades and suddenly remember them as is they had happened just this very moment! Some of us even manage to reconstruct memories to fit there them conveniently to the point that the memory has little to do with the real even any longer. I noticed this in particular in some people more than others, I wish at time I could do so my self it may be easier at times yet I like things just the way there are, after all reality is far better and more fascinating than any fiction ever could be. We just need the courage to face it and that at time may be difficult or unpleasant!

I am and have become whom I am because of where I come from Genetically as well as Socially and geographically, but maybe even more so due to life’s experiences and encounters!

The bad and the good in once life have all their place, what we do with them does depend only on us. As far as I am concerned Life is a Journey and a never ending learning experience in wish, if we chose to will achieve some sort of wisdom and maybe even find some of the true that lays before us and trough out the Universe! Live and let live, and live simply so others may simply live!

I know today that we are merely the Shepherds of this Planet not its Masters. We are meant to care and take care of life not control it nor destroy it or even less exploited it in any way!

We are falling our purpose in every way, at least most of us Humans, there are some exceptions granted, how ever there are to few of them and I am certainly not yet one of them, maybe one day I may achieve that!

The past being exactly what it is, namely the past. It is useless there for to dwell on it, since the if and would are exactly that and only speculations. Never the less we can learn from our past as individuals as well as a collective and hopefully we learn enough to do better now in our present so our futures may be even greater!

I did try to do so and did at times even succeed at it! After my time at the CCI, I spend some time with my parents. It was for all of us a difficult time, since we had been apart for a rather long time, and many things where never doubted with, mainly because I could not talk about it nor would I talk about it, I was determined to burry those four years spend at the CCI. At the time, it seemed like a good idea and the only way I could deal with it. Back then I never expected that all this would come back to hunt me some 20 years latter and force me to deal with it after all, as it is said the past always comes back at you some how, so it may be better to deal with it right away rather then baring it!

After a failed attempt to reintegrate my self into the Family and this mainly due to my own shortcomings and my extremely high demands on my self, I ended up going to Germany. At first, I lived in my Fathers flat in Eschborn for some month and worked as a Bar Tender and a clerk.

There are four basic types of Humans when things get bad and ruff. There are those that give up and lay down to die, then there are those that are overwhelmed with fear and enslave them self to some one else, the 3rd category are would be those that are sneaky and twisted and then there are those that fight back when cornered and maybe with to much pride and to many principles. I may belong to the latter category, how ever my time at the CCI may have developed my Fighting skills a little to much to the point that I do seem to react and over react very fast and at time, raising all the Canons when maybe patience and questioning may be wiser! The Problem is one’s one learned and had to fight hard to survive it becomes rather difficult to be peaceful and patient learned that the best defence was the offence and that if ever cornered by any one the worth thing to do was to give in, better was to fight with all your might and all you wits! Surrendering just meant being abused, at least by fighting one had a chance to inflict at least equal pain to the aggressor!

This how ever got me into a lot of trouble as well since my reflexes where a little to sharp after those four years at the CCI and I may have been a learned to react a little to fast at times!

Once at the FH in Wiesbaden where I studied Chemistry, I did get into much trouble with some Professors for I would not Play the game of Bowing down to them just because I was at there mercy, When I knew to be Right and my Prof to be wrong I fought if I had. That did not make me any friends nor gained it me any favours either with them!

That was all right though by me, since I did not Like Favours, especially not from those that believed me to be at their mercy, as some few Professors like to think and enjoy!

I spend much time demonstrating against Polluting industries and Political injustice, since My experience so far toot me that one has to fight for what one believes in or nothing would ever change. It did get me into much trouble as well and some times even a couple of hours in Jail, how ever my relation with Police was always rather good, I respected the fact that they did there Job and they seemed to respect my right to] demonstrate as well for some weird reasons that one can not really explain!

Many things we do, or do not do are based on fears, may they be financial, Emotional or others, Humans are driven and restricted by fears of all sorts, yet maybe far worth at times can be the fear to ever live or be restricted due to fear. Making one rather fearless at first glance. How ever maybe that can get out of balance as well.

As I swore not ever to be afraid nor to ever let any one down or walk away from any one that is being terrorised or has to fear. To some extend it took me almost some 20 years to be able to balance all this out and find some sort of wisdom. Never the less I do not actually have any regrets nor anger, since I do believe life to be a journey and I did learn much and achieved much as well! I made many mistakes yet I do hope I also learned from them at the same time!

After my time at the Chemical school wish did end in many fights with the Dean. I went to Canada to do an apprenticeship on a Farm there with a Friend of my Father. Once there I meet Frederique with whom I would go back to Europe that same year of 1987. She was going to attend the UH of Heidelberg and I ended up taking the first Job that came along, namely at Mc. Donald’s Restaurant. I became quickly a Manager there and ended up with much work as well as stress at work as well as at home. Frederique was unhappy no being able to understand German and was some what depressed She did not have much energy nor enthusiasm to learn the languish either any longer. Maybe because she was pregnant with Nandi. We got married in September 1988 and Nandi was born in January of the following year. I was extremely happy to see my Dotter come into the World. Frederique was tired though and Nandi being our first born was also our greatest worry, in spite of having read parenting books by the dozen we knew nothing about it and still don’t!

////////////////////////////////////////

The swimming pool,

Water and Fire are every child’s fascination and so there where my own as well. I was convinced to be able to breath under water just like a fish of sorts and for some strange reason that may have helped me to swim for great length of time under water as I used to, to the point of worrying many, looking for me since they believed me drowned. Today I am still convinced that we could do much better if developing our ability to breath true our skins pores. At one end of the Pool lived a snake with her young. Close to one of the over flow holes. I went to see her every day to see how she was doing and maybe she started trusting me after some time, for I got closer to her yet not telling the adults of her existence for they would have killed her as well as her young.

One day though that is exactly what happened and I was rather furious and felt guilty as well for I should have relocated her some where else safer. That incident motivated me to learn to cash snakes in a safe manner since I did not like to get bitten my self! Latter I used that skill to cash snakes for the Druggist; he needed them to make serum for the anti venom for those that were bitten by a snake.

My Father and my Mother had a rather Buddhist approach to life, “live and let live”. We had a great many creatures running around our house. My Mother took every thing in that was injured or sick and broth it back to health. At one point we had two Egyptian storks, tree Horses, a cat, a Dog, a Grey African Parrot, some fish, even a small crocodile, how ever that one I had to release into the wild again! We did also have a donkey, and all sorts of wild creatures that were accepted and had a safe haven with us, such as the scorpion Family that kept on crossing our dinning room every day to go from the back yard to the front one, they became a rather entertaining attraction. We just needed to watch my Sister that wanted to play with them! There where also all the Salamanders and geckos that where just about every where, at time they was one that was almost transparent and on the wall or hanging on the ceiling almost immobile at all times yet in the morning he was gone, he kept us mosquito free and he also took care of the flies. So did the spiders by the way, and some of those spiders where rather impressive and beautiful as well! To this day, none of those creatures can bother me but one and that is the common housefly! I cannot stand those, maybe because they have absolutely no respect for any thing. Nor do they follow any rules, like “I live you alone and you live me alone”. I do not mind giving a little blood to the Mosquito’s or some thing of the sort for the greater good of nature and the hole life circle, how ever even Mosquito’s do not come every where nor at all times of the day, but flies are every where and always. There are like a pest of sorts never living one alone, never giving you a break! Maybe that is why I like Spiders, Ducks, Salamanders and birds so much, they all eat flies in great numbers!

I remember the evening we spend out side under the straw roof of our open case, a round structure build in a traditional West African way.

Some evening as my Father was home and not on one of his long trip around the dessert, all five of us and usually some guest as well shared dinner together, my Father made Pizza and we kids where allowed a diluted glass of wine. We talked long into the night and latter as the adults went to bed and believed us in bed as well, I snuck out again to have some tea with the night Guards of the Nachbar hood and discuss in great length the World’s event and philosophical question. Some of the topics kept on reappearing, such as religion and how come there where so many of them, that all clamed holding the truce. China came up as well rather often, as well as trade of Salt, tea, dates and leather. We did also talk about Woman and their unpredictable moods and beauty. Some Touaregs suggested that their beauty was given to them so we would be able to put up with their mood swings and games!

Well I was more interested in the Political and religious topics as well as the Philosophy once, how ever maybe I should have been lessening more closely to the one concerning the Female dilemma as well, sparring me some Head aches today! The tea ceremony by it self was some thing rather nice and mesmerising! It was a rather strong brew of Green and black tea leaves, together with rock sugar and cold water. The whole thing was broth to boil in a small teapot, than pored into small tea glasses and those pored back into the teapot, the hole poring back and forth vent on usually seven times before we could drink the first glass of tea. Then it was repeated about another seven times until the last round of tea, wish was different! The last tea round we added Peppermint to the brew and repeated the same ceremony of poring the tea back and forth before drinking it. I loved those tea ceremonies as well as the great discussions and ever since I left Africa it is probably one of the things I miss the most beside the people!

Needless to say that I was rather tiered in the morning, as I had to get up to go to school.

Many that know Africa well would say either you love it and it will always pull you back to the point that you can not ever really leave it or you hate it so much that you never ever come back. I belong to those that love the African Continent with all its diversity, charm and Magic! Africa truly is the birthplace of humanity, that is where our Heart is, that is where our roots are! We should really take better care of our Heart and our roots; with out them we are nothing. Our heart and our origin are in part the essence of our spirit and even our soul!

My Father as well as my Mother loved Africa as well and deeply cared for this continent and especially for the People living on it. My Father worked relentlessly to help where ever he could and defended Africa on countless occasion in meetings with European and International NGO as well as GO such as the GTZ, BMZ, UNESSCO, OCFA. When ever they where ready to cut funds for vital projects he did more then any one else would have and could have to get the funds reinstated and the projects going. With his death West Africa especially lost one of it’s greatest Ambassadors that it ever had!

We erect great statues to war lords and Kings yet not to many to those that really work for the good of the people and give there lives work to better life for others, those we tent to forget for some reason. I would get rid of all those statues glorifying war and war lords and erect statues to remember people such as Albert Schweitzer, Paul Rush, Maria Teresa, and many more as well as my Father Hartmut Paschen that kept on fixing what those War Lords kept on destroying!

I have not much respect nor admiration for those that make their fame and glory or acquire there wealth on the back of others and true blood and despair by running the lives of so many!” Live and let live and live simply so others may simply live “ this has always been the way I have been favoring rather then wealth and power wish can only bring injustice and suffering for most!

I have to admit that my Father and my Mother did toot me well and I wish I could have done at least as well for my own Children, maybe they will still understand some day!

Our Family!!

As in most family’s there is some good and some bad. The good in my Family would be that most are rather open minded, Cosmopolites and generous. How ever we do have a long history of stuburness and rightsuesness. To a point that is almost maladive and destructive. We manage to be rather forgiving to outsiders and on big topics, however we can really hold a grudge when it comes to our own family members. Blowing the reality out of proportion and judging harshly with out compation! Maybe it is the Lutheran back round forcing auto criticism to point that is destructive at times. I remember my Paternal Grand Father not being able to accept praise for taking care of his dying Wife, he almost hit the Pastor has he complemented him on his Christian way of caring for his Sick Wife that just had died.

He did his duty and was not acting out as a Christian, so he said! Yes he did his duty and he always did even though he became a miserable old man that was tormented by the past and the pain of memories never worked out. Because we do not do such a think, we do not clear the table and talk about what pains us we just swallow and then lash out at our own family. We stopped talking to one another and repress every thing, as good Lutheran would do! Punish them self and their own kind!